I haven't been able to put into words about how I feel about my recent breakup from someone I was with for four years but I need to say something or I'm going to go insane. I feel like since I'm the one that broke
up with him people act like I'm not allowed to be upset about it and my feelings are inadequate. The thing is I didn't break up with him because I cared less about him than he did about me, in fact sometimes I felt like I cared too much and he didn't care enough. I don't doubt for a second that he loved me but sometimes I doubt if I loved him but then I get to thinking about it and I did love him but I feel like the last two years of our relationship we grew apart and i grew out of love with him.One problem with our relationship was we are exact opposites and I know they say "opposites attract" but when you're so opposite that you have nothing in common it's hard to get along and do things you both enjoy. When we were dating I would try my hardest to do things he enjoyed like play video games with him even if I didn't really like the video game I would do it because I knew it was something he likes but then when I tried to get him to watch a TV show with me he would complain about it and make fun of the show that I enjoyed watching. When I Broke up with him he was upset more so than I and asked for me to give him another chance but I had been trying to make this relationship work for two years and nothing ever seemed to change. We are both at fault when it comes to why I broke up with him but at times I feel like I asked too much of him and expected more from him than what he could do. After I broke up with him he started watching shows that I had suggested to him when we were dating and reading books that I liked and (god I know this is the STUPIDEST thing ever but) started using his facebook which he never did when we dated which bugged the crap out of me for some stupid reason. The point I'm trying to get at here though is he never tried to give the things I liked a chance when we were dating but now that we aren't he is and it pisses me off so bad because I don't understand why he couldn't have done this when we were dating! It also pisses me off because it just seems so disingenuous and just a way to get me back. I feel like I'm getting over that stage of anger though and now it's turned into missing him and randomly remembering stuff like when I'm getting ready I'll remember how he use to bug me for taking so long, how much he use to make me laugh, the times he would dye my hair for me, playing board games with him and my family, that time we carved pumpkins together and so many other memories I'm sure will sneak up on me at the most random time and make me miss how our relationship use to be and long for when everything wasn't so messed up. I was so dependent on him so at times it's really hard for me to do certain things without him and be independent. Its so hard to be alone after being with someone for so long and I get really lonely at times and miss having a boyfriend. Even though we are so opposite and don't seem compatible at all, I'm terrified that I'm not going to find someone who treated me as good as he treated me because despite out differences he did treat me right.
